treadmill

I am experiencing now what I experienced for years working in local government: that treadmill feeling in which you struggle to get through every day with enough preparation and performance not to embarass yourself or your organization, and stay up too late all the while craving the escape of sleep, only to wake far too early only to do it all over again.

This for 5 days, then the sweet, sweet release of the weekend. On Friday afternoon you feel great, thinking about all the work you'll achieve in 2 days off. You take Friday night off. On Saturday you try to catch up with some household stuff, and the day flies by. On Sunday you wake up in mild panic and before you know it, it's evening and you are facing piles of stuff that can't possibly be finished, leaving you with the same old catch-up routine in the week to come.

If all I were doing was course prep, my workload would be manageable and even enjoyable, because I love just about everything (except grading) about teaching. I love writing curriculum plans and lesson plans. I love thinking up classroom exercises to make students apply and think about the readings and concepts. I love just talking to students.

But now that I'm on the tenure track, I am trying to do so much more: co-authoring a textbook; writing encyclopedia articles; trying to finish research for a paper to be given in November; trying to write up articles from my dissertation; supervising an independent study project; leading a study trip next spring. It's just TOO MUCH.

I always think that better organization will get me through it. Yet truthfully: the days roll by and mid-December will come, and then what is done is done; what is not done will not be done. The delight of the academic is in starting fresh every 4 months.